Cancer journey … and beyond …
In Memory
Sam’s service was held on Nov. 23rd, 2024 at Westwood Church in Prince George. It was a beautiful service with an incredible amount of support from people in-person and online.
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Oct. 8, 2024. Our most loved mighty warrior has gone to be with Jesus.
Today, in the early morning
Tina and I sat with Sam.
Despite his body being
racked with disease
and his near inability to communicate,
We had a beautiful time of sharing with him.
We expressed our love,
our pride,
the joy of life that we had with him.
In that time
We gave him the freedom
to let go,
to move on.
Tina and I saw it.
The precise moment, 7:10am, that
He moved beyond our reach.
without fear
without pain or suffering.
Courageously he let go of us.
And jumped into the eternal
Love of God.
Loved and mighty warrior.
2008-11-25 – 2024-10-08
Post: Memories, Sadness, and Joy
posted: March 15, 2025
March 8, 2025
This post has been developing in my mind over the last couple of weeks. Today, the concepts need to be captured before they begin to slip away. Grief continues to be hard work. Writing this is hard and I am pushing myself to gather the energy to get my thoughts onto this page.
It is a sad-Saturday. This day feels harder than most in the last couple weeks. I do not have a specific reason for today’s sadness. There have been no specific triggers. Neither does this sadness worry me. This grief-sadness is simply part of our journey. I simply accept it. There remains a beauty in it, as it ties me to the love I/we have for Sam. Oh how we miss him.
In contrast to today’s sadness, I also recognize that over the last couple of weeks there have also been moments of joy.
A dream
I don’t consider myself a dreamer and I rarely remember my dreams. Even when I do remember them, I do not consider them to be important or meaningful.
On the morning of Feb. 13, I woke from a dream that would cause me to reflect/ contemplate for the following weeks. This dream was important.
In my dream: I was back at Sam’s bedside the morning he died (similar to my last post). This was the place where part of me has remained – the time and place that part of me has refused to let go.
The difference in this dream was that I was not visiting Sam in the hour before he died but in the hour after. Sam was dead and I remained at his bedside. My soul wailed:
“Sam, I love you. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that you are a memory. I love you.”
And in my dream Sam was there – in spirit. And he answered my cry. He said:
“It’s okay Dad. I love you too.”
I would continue to wrestle with this dream for the next couple weeks. I was unsettled. Sam is far more than a memory. Our hope and faith is that we will see him again. But though I may long for that time, I do not live there/then. I live here and now, in this present life.
In working through this dream I have come to a deeper acceptance that Sam is gone. My conscious mind has known this all along, but my deeper self has needed to come to grips with this new reality. This deeper acceptance has also allowed for greater freedom to remember.
Freedom to remember and even find joys in the memories. We will cherish all the days that we were able to share with Sam.
Simple memories. Simple joys.
My joyful memories do not have to be the big events that we experienced together. Rather I am finding joys in the simple memories of life. Like how Sam loved pizza. How Sam loved his family and his friends.
A couple of simple beautiful memories with our boy.
Sam, we love you. We miss you
Victories and Heart Aches
Thankful that we are finding space for joys in the sadness.
We remain in the waves on a daily basis but we are also engaging in the world. We are cared for. We are having great days – Oh yeah.
Our hearts remain tender. It remains easy to get taken down by grief-pains.
We are thankful for the extraordinary effort of friends and family to gather around us to care for us.
We are thankful for many messages of care and solidarity with us as we grieve.
We are thankful for many special messages reflecting what Sam has meant to people.
We are thankful for the simple precious moments we had with Sam.
We are mindful of friends and families – those that remain in the fight to see their children through incredible health challenges (cancer or other). We hope with you and we will continue to celebrate your wins!
We are mindful of friends and families – who have seen their children die. That they are in similar grief storms. We grieve with you. Our hearts break again for your loss.
Our hearts ache. We grieve. Yet Sam is free of disease.
Support
Sam’s life has been saved numerous times because people have donated blood or bone marrow. Consider becoming a donor. Perhaps you can save someone’s life!
Financial Support
Here we include options to provide financial support including: cancer research at the BC Children’s Hospital, the Ronald McDonald House, Friends of Children (support for families from Northern BC), or to support us directly. We have been blown away by the generosity of so many. We also love the support provided in words of encouragement. Please feel free to send us notes of encouragement. It is impossible to thank you all enough.
