Cancer journey … and beyond …
In Memory
The service we held on Nov. 23rd, 2024 at Westwood Church in Prince George. It was a beautiful service with about 300 people attending in person and another ~300 attending online.
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Oct. 8, 2024. Our most loved mighty warrior has gone to be with Jesus.
Today, in the early morning
Tina and I sat with Sam.
Despite his body being
racked with disease
and his near inability to communicate,
We had a beautiful time of sharing with him.
We expressed our love,
our pride,
the joy of life that we had with him.
In that time
We gave him the freedom
to let go,
to move on.
Tina and I saw it.
The precise moment, 7:10am, that
He moved beyond our reach.
without fear
without pain or suffering.
Courageously he let go of us.
And jumped into the eternal
Love of God.
Loved and mighty warrior.
2008-11-25 – 2024-10-08
Post: Lost
Courage in the face of fear.
Dec. 26, 2024
Courage
Courage does not mean that you are never afraid. Rather it is choosing to respond, it is choosing to act despite fears. It is choosing to do what is right in the face of fear.
There is not a day that I am not proud of Sam. I admire his bravery. Sam was courageous.
On rare occasions Sam would express a fear. Then he would rally, gather his courage and continue to fight on. In the week before he died, he had such a moment.
A moment of fear
In those last days Sam seemed to live in two worlds. This mortal world we know and what seemed to be the world beyond/ behind the “veil”. Occasionally, it was like we got glimpses behind the veil – that is beyond death. I tell you this, as this context helped me have words that I could say to Sam in his moment of fear.
It was 3:30pm on Oct. 1st. Tina and I were down the hall talking to some of Sam’s medical team when I received a phone call. It was Sam, he had managed to call me from Nana’s phone. … He was scared.
We rushed back to the room. His words were simple but they spoke from a deep fear: “Dad, I was lost.”
I wrapped my arms around him and told him that:
- Sam, you are not lost. You will never be lost.
- God is with you. He will find you there.
- You may be travelling paths that you have never travelled,
- Be free to explore any new paths that you find.
Sam immediately settled. He took courage.
One week later he travelled beyond my reach.
Lost
Grief is our natural response to loss. We have lost Sam and this hurts.
In addition to feeling this deep loss, I also feel lost.
What has happened? How did I get here? What do I do now? How do we move forward? What direction should we go?
All my ways of being. All my familiar paths are gone. I must walk new paths. Yet, my mind does not want to let go of the routines I loved – the ones with Sam.
Courage to move
My own words to Sam haunt me.
Did I speak them to him? Or did I speak them to myself?
As my beautiful boy did, I must take courage. I may be travelling new and unknown paths. Now, I must recognize the freedom to explore – even enjoy these unexpected paths before me.
I asked Sam to call out to God. I must do the same.
There is much love on these new paths we currently walk.
We are surrounded by the love of friends and family who walk with us.
Though we sometimes feel lost and afraid we take courage and continue to move forward. Together.
Christmas Season
Absolutely, there are moments and sometimes whole days that are simply hard. These times have tears. These times have deep grief-pain that can feel completely debilitating.
However, there has also been much beauty as we share in the love of friends and family.
In the days leading up to Christmas:
- We got out. We chose to not be lost in our grief but to bring joy. I put a kit together to share special coffees – the addition of some holiday syrups helped this. We sang Christmas carols.
- We had people in.
- We went to the Christmas Eve church service. I have to admit it was a little overwhelming but I am glad we did it. We spent time with the family, at my parents place.
Christmas Day was a full and beautiful day:
- Having slept over at Mom and Dad’s, we had a nice morning with them before returning home to have a few hours on our own and to have our own private gift exchange.
- At home, one of Sam’s best friends stopped by to wish us a Merry Christmas.
- In the afternoon we went up to Tom and MA’s place where we watched their boys open gifts, shared Christmas dinner (thanks Mom!), and played games.
- In the later evening a good friend came over for a visit.
Victories and Heart Aches
Our hearts remain tender. It remains easy to get taken down by grief-pains. As I write this I am trying hard to rally.
Our hearts ache. We are committed to moving forward but this is hard work.
We are thankful for the extraordinary effort of friends and family to gather around us to care for us.
We are thankful for many messages of care and solidarity with us as we grieve.
We are thankful for many special messages reflecting what Sam has meant to people.
We are thankful for the simple precious moments we had with Sam.
We are mindful of friends and families – those that remain in the fight to see their children through incredible health challenges (cancer or other). We hope with you and we will continue to celebrate your wins!
We are mindful of friends and families – who have seen their children die. That they are in similar grief storms. We grieve with you. Our hearts break again for your loss.
Our hearts ache. We grieve. Yet Sam is free of disease.
Support
Sam’s life has been saved numerous times because people have donated blood or bone marrow. Consider becoming a donor. Perhaps you can save someone’s life!
Financial Support
Here we include options to provide financial support including: cancer research at the BC Children’s Hospital, the Ronald McDonald House, Friends of Children (support for families from Northern BC), or to support us directly. We have been blown away by the generosity of so many. We also love the support provided in words of encouragement. Please feel free to send us notes of encouragement. It is impossible to thank you all enough.
