The Hard and The Good
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All are welcome
Additional details to follow
It has been four weeks since Sam died. Tina and I have been home for just over two weeks.
Life remains hard, incredibly hard at some times. Yet, there is also good.
These days over the last weeks have almost had some rhythm to them. Emotionally, our days typically start with a general sadness at the loss of Sam and through the morning the waves build such that we feel the acute pain of losing him – that his presence is missing in our home. Throughout the day, It is not surprising but the experience is shocking, new waves can hit at almost anytime and without warning. These waves of grief may have specific memories associated with them – sometimes they come without explanation. It is in these waves that our tears flow and we give each other the freedom to cry.
In parallel to these teary times, we have a morning routine of sharing coffee, reviewing, and building plans for our days. Despite the waves we push on – together. Each day we continue with:
We are going to have a great day – O Yeah! 1
And we do.
The Hard
There is no way around it. The loss of Sam is incredibly hard. We love him so much and we have lost our ability to communicate that love. … And so we cry.
The grief is also of all the lost hopes. The loss of things we planned to do with Sam. The loss of dreams we did not even know we had for him but when confronted with life events our hearts cannot escape – Oh how I wish we could have seen Sam … fill in the blank… And so we cry.
The grief often leaves us feeling lost.
The Good
Despite these pains we have continued to move forward each day. We have done this together. We have also done this with the support of our community – incredible friends and family who are making a point of being with us. They invite us or allow us to invite them into one another’s lives. In these days since we have come home we have:
- Gotten out for walks. In the neighbourhood. In the woods. Sometimes just the two of us. Sometimes with friends. Sometimes with Sam’s friends.
- We have paused to open beautiful messages or cards reading how Sam was loved and how we continue to be loved and cared for.
- We have gotten together with friends and family to:
- Share coffee or meals.
- Celebrate a birthday.
- Play games.
There are moments when getting together can feel ‘normal’ – but they are not. Yet our community is so gracious with us. We all pause to recognize that life is not the normal that any of us wanted. A huge part of our lives is missing.
These pauses are important.
Important for Tina and I to share our pain and in doing so
allow friends and family to carry it with us.
These pauses are important.
Important to allow our people to express their pain
for our entire community feels the pain of Sam’s absence.
There is a solemn beauty in sharing our grief together.
Although we hurt we are blessed with many beautiful caring people.
Sam is loved. We are loved.
Victories and Heart Aches
Our hearts ache. We are committed to moving forward but this is hard work.
We are thankful for the extraordinary effort of friends and family to gather around us to care for us.
We are thankful for many messages of care and solidarity with us as we grieve.
We are thankful for many special messages reflecting what Sam has meant to people.
We are thankful for the simple precious moments we had with Sam.
We are mindful of friends and families – those that remain in the fight to see their children through incredible health challenges (cancer or other). We hope with you and we will continue to celebrate your wins!
We are mindful of friends and families – who have seen their children die. That they are in similar grief storms. We grieve with you. Our hearts break again for your loss.
Thankful for great times, especially for Sam:
- Cedars Grade 11 trip (Sept 8-11): Our soul-hearts have been refreshed! Filled with the love of friendship. It was incredible to see Sam have time with his friends from school. The students and the leaders from Cedars have lifted/blessed all three of us.
- It was amazing to see Sam join the Ness Lake Bible Camp team (July 28 - 31) . He served, ran, talked, played – he got to be fully there! Many thanks to the NLBC team who welcomed him in. When Sam needs to think of a happy place he returns here in his mind and he is quick to share stories of these days.
We are thankful to the medical team here at BC Childrens’ Hospital. Sam never lacked for incredible care.
We are thankful for all the days that we lived at RMH.
It was a gift to have a place to stay so close to the hospital. The Ronald McDonald House (RMH) provided us a home away from home. This place is an amazing example of charity at work.We long for the day when
Our hearts ache. We grieve. Yet Sam is free of disease.
Footnotes
see our post: On Grief, Courage, and Love↩︎