On Grief, Courage, and Love

grief
One way Sam set us up to live well.
Author

Colin C.

Published

October 12, 2024

Modified

October 18, 2024

Great days

2024-10-18

These are hard days. Yet we are managing. We are committed. Despite our pains we keep choosing to have great days.

We choose to keep sharing love to one another and to those we connect with during the day. We do not fear our tears but let them flow when they come. We choose to keep moving, keep placing one foot in front of the other – literally and figuratively.

The days ahead will be particularly hard. They hold the large steps. We are transitioning – making our return home… Yet it will never be what we hoped. We must learn to dream new dreams… In time.

Grief

Samuel Justin Colin Chisholm Loved and mighty warrior. 2008-11-25 – 2024-10-08

Samuel Justin Colin Chisholm
Loved and mighty warrior.
2008-11-25 – 2024-10-08

It is the early morning. Sam passed four days ago.
The cancer storm has swamped us. It has taken our beloved son.

The storm continues – it is just given a new name: grief.

The waves hit us. At times it can feel that we will never catch our breath. Yet, we are learning. These waves will come and go. We accept them. We must be gentle with ourselves.

We recognize the tears that we shed are actually beautiful for they are the love that we have for Sam. The love that we have for him has not stopped but we do not have a place to put it – for we cannot reach him. So we cry. Sometimes quietly, sometimes loudly, sometimes my whole body shakes.

In time we will learn to ride these waves of grief, to allow each wave in to become a remembrance of sombre-joy. … In time.

Courage

It was a simple few words spoken between Tina and Sam the morning before Sam died. Tina was getting herself ready for the day and exclaimed:

We are going to have a great day!

Sam was quick to respond:

Oh Yeah! (said in a very raspy voice – using intense effort).

These simple words have now become how Tina and I begin each day.

Sam was amazing! He remained courageous to the very end. Having a great day did not mean that he was free of pain. It did not mean that he was even mobile. In reality he was extremely sick. He could barely move. He could barely speak as the cancer compressed his airways. But he was committed to having a great day. And he did – everyday.

How did he? What made his days great?

Love

Despite his disease Sam kept loving people. He also freely accepted the love poured out to him.

  • He hosted friends – greeting them, talking with them as he was able, taking part in whatever form of fun was to be had (eg. an “ice chip party”!)
  • He loved hearing the notes of encouragement and support sent to us.
  • He welcomed his medical team. He accepted their loving care. Was thankful to them.
  • He enjoyed the love poured out to him by his family (Grandparents, Cousins, Aunts and Uncles).
  • As a family of three we loved each other well.

Despite the fact that physically Sam was so weak his heart/love capacity remained so strong.

Our Commitment

Tina and I have committed to keep having great days – despite our circumstances, despite our pains. We will keep loving and we will allow our hearts to remain open to receive gifts of love given. This is a choice, a discipline that takes effort.

We are going to have a great day! … Oh Yeah!

Oncology Families

A special note to all of the families that we have travelled with – to those in their own storms.

Know that we stand with you.

  • We will celebrate each of your wins – we hope and pray your warriors have a lifetime of wins.

  • Should you ever find yourselves on a path of grief – we will grieve with you. I hope you never have to travel this path. Yet I know some will. And you will not be alone.

Victories and Heart Aches

  • Our hearts ache. We are committed to moving forward but this is hard work.

  • We are thankful for the extraordinary effort of friends and family to gather around us to care for us.

  • We are thankful for many messages of care and solidarity with us as we grieve.

  • We are thankful for many special messages reflecting what Sam has meant to people.

  • We are thankful for the simple precious moments.

  • Thankful for great times, especially for Sam:

    • Cedars Grade 11 trip (Sept 8-11): Our soul-hearts have been refreshed! Filled with the love of friendship. It was incredible to see Sam have time with his friends from school. The students and the leaders from Cedars have lifted/blessed all three of us.
    • It was amazing to see Sam join the Ness Lake Bible Camp team (July 28 - 31) . He served, ran, talked, played – he got to be fully there! Many thanks to the NLBC team who welcomed him in. When Sam needs to think of a happy place he returns here in his mind and he is quick to share stories of these days.

  • We are thankful to the medical team here at BC Childrens’ Hospital who have explained things incredibly well and who have worked professionally and confidently. Your clear communication, compassion, and medical care give us great confidence. Sam never lacked for incredible care.

  • We are thankful for the gift of a place to stay so close to the hospital. The Ronald McDonald House (RMH) has provided us a home away from home. This place is an amazing example of charity at work.

  • Thankful for such supportive family and friends caring for us all through this journey.

  • We long for the day when
    Our hearts ache. We grieve. Yet Sam is free of disease.